#i didnt even know what the letter was for i had to ask my mom

[addelaidesupreme]

I'm watching a video essay about a game ive been interested in playing. The creator of the video, who has crossdressed multiple times, makes a "women arent funny" joke, and i suddenly realize ive never witnessed him acknowledge a woman in an uplifting way before.

I'm on a dating app for lgbt+ people. I've stated multiple times on my profile that i would rather lose an arm than recieve nudes without consent. I will be sent five dick pics for every 2 people i talk to that night.

I'm talking with my dad, who informs me he's been trying his best to learn about trans issues. He says the same things steven crowder brings up when trying to ridicule trans people. I gently but firmly correct my father and get told that ive been fed propaganda.

I'm on instagram, under the comments of a post ridiculing someone for being a misogynyst. Someone's left a comment saying "it must be hard being a woman on the internet" and i respond "it is." I will have every aspect of my appearance scrutinized as a reminder that no matter how well i pass, it will never be enough for someone with bad intentions.

I'm back on that dating app for lgbt+ people. I'm messaged by an attractive looking person, but i can see their partner prominently displayed in all but their main photo, oftentimes striking what im sure they thought was a very intimidating pose. Their bio says "looking for a third for our anniversary." I know that even if I did feel up to it, the gruff partner wouldnt approve of me because i don't pass.

I'm at a job interview for a clothing store. I tell the gracefully-dressed woman interviewing me that ever since i began my transition, i've discovered an interest in fashion, and that this job would allow me to dip my toes into the industry in a safe way. I'm told that i've reduced womanhood to a stereotype, and i can tell by her tone that i lost any chance at the job the minute she realized i was trans.

I'm at the same hospital i got facial feminization surgery in, trying to figure out what's wrong with my bowels. When the person behind the desk gives me a wristband with my patient info on it, i notice a single, lonely, letter M. I ask a nurse in private why it would say that despite me having changed it nearly a year prior. They say they have no clue, and bring in paperwork for me to fill out and have it re-changed again.

I'm living with my mom at the time. I'm new to transitioning, and decide to try my hand at voice training. It feels a bit off, but otherwise im feeling neutral toward the whole thing. I try speaking in this new voice to my mom and she laughs. Now, when people ask if i intend to voice train, i find speaking at all difficult for minutes after.

I didnt have some sort of grand message to convey by this. I just had a thought and then that thought spiralled into whatever the hell this became. Some, okay most, might call it complaining; they are right to do so.

[hotwritergf]

I have a habbit of messing up peoples names, ive called my mom my brothers name. Sometimes ill start with someone elses name and correct myself like sara-mily or i get it early so its just the first letter like saying ch-steve

I was just thinking about bestfriends eddie x reader where reader accidentally calls eddie daddy because theyre so similar. She goes to say a d name but catches herself and says eddie. She was talking fast and didnt even catch herself saying it until eddies like "did you just call me daddy?"

Accidentally calling Eddie ‘Daddy’. Eddie Munson x female reader. Blurb. Fluff.

I hope this is okay, I’m sick at the moment so it’s kinda self indulgent but I tried to personalise it a bit for you!

The night was like any other of yours and Eddie’s movie nights. Bags of candy spilled out on the floor, blankets swallowing you both up and a blunt being passed between you. Today was tiring, work couldn’t be more stressful and of course you were understaffed. Eddie came to pick you up at closing time, he already had your cup of tea in his cup-holder. It was the small things you appreciated the most from your best friend.

You had your head on his chest, because Eddie said “it will help your migraine I promise.” You wanted to believe him but the smirk on his face just showed he wanted to look after you. Eddie held his palm to your forehead, “you’re burning up a little, I’ll get you some medicine. Wait right here.” He ushers himself out from the blankets and into the kitchen. Rooting through the cupboards as you pause the movie, he reappears holding a bottle and a medicine spoon. Pouring the contents onto the spoon, “open up darling” he smirks as he feeds you.

You wince at the taste of the bitter medicine, swiftly taking a swig of your soda to wash away the taste. Wiping your mouth you whisper, “thank you d-daddy” “e-Eddie I meant Eddie!!” Your face flushes immediately, wanting the ground to swallow you up as you blurt out your sentence. Your brain was on auto pilot and Eddie and Daddy sounded far too similar for your mouth to comprehend whilst you’re suffering so bad with your migraine.

“What was that? Did you just call me daddy?” Eddie smirks, teasing you as he pulls your hands away from your blushing face.

“I- no! The words got scrambled in my head m’sorry I’m so embarrassed, I’m sorry.” You pull away from Eddie’s touch, bringing your knees to your chest and resting your head on them. Terrified that you’ve ruined your friendship, how could Eddie not see you differently after calling him that? A word so not-inherently bad but turned kinky and shameful, he could assume you’re into that. Not that it would be a bad thing to be kinky, you just weren’t.

“Hey hey hey.” Eddie pulls at your arms, “just look at me.” His voice is like velvet, so comforting but you’re shaking. Wishing you could be ignorant and never face this issue. “Come on princess, just want to see you smile.” You can almost hear the smirk in his voice.

You stick to your guns, refusing to move and face him. “You leave me no choice then, I didn’t want to do this sweetheart. But you asked for this..” Eddie coos into your ear before teasing his fingers over your neck, ghosting over your skin and down to your sides. He pokes and prods your ribs, flailing back into Eddie’s chest, trying to swat at his hands to put an end to his ticklish assault.

“Okay! Okay!” You plead, holding on to Eddie’s wrists and looking deep into his eyes. He stills his hands, holding yours and dropping them into his lap. “I didn’t mean to say it Eddie, honestly.” Your voice stuttering as you whimpered. “It’s not a big deal. Seriously, I understand. You do that a lot with words, I’ve seen it. You’re okay. It’s okay. We’re okay.” A mischievous smile spreads over his face when he sees you let go of the breath you’ve been holding for the entire moment. Sighing, you let yourself smile, feeling safe knowing that Eddie doesn’t judge you.

“There’s that smile. Gotta hear that laugh too, you know, for daddy?” He teases before jumping on top of you and tickling you again.

[alaydabug2]

@myfairkatiecat Ik I said I didn't post on tumblr....BUT I DO NOW

Ok so to go more in depth of the theory about Keefe's mind shattering

Here you can see the different ways people can shatter

"But some turn erratic and reckless."

SHANNON

Who does that sound like to you

Furthermore, Keefe didn't really start becoming reckless until he found out about his mom

Yeah sure he ditched class and was a trouble maker, but he never really did anything to crazy until his mom

In neverseen alone he covered his room in paper scraps, took fathomlethes (which I believe are an elf version of drugs, but that's for another time to deep dive), tried to run off to ravagog on his own, and ran away to the neverseen

That's not even a book finding out about his mother

I also believe that his minds is slowly shattering bit by bit like Alden and has come extremely close several times

Also in neverseen when he had to be sedated for 24 hours because he was in shock and kept replaying the recovered memory over and over, when in legacy his mom got away and he was shaking and yelling

There's probably more too but I can't think of it rn

I also think what will be the last straw

I think he actually killed Ethan Benedict Wright II and his daughter (sorry if the next bit sounds weird this was copy and pasted from my YouTube 😭)

Ok so

Keefe has been going numb in stellarlune

We're all aware of that

He's not acting himself

Going numb

Abilities not working

Just overall worrying behavior

AND Shannon said some major information is going to be unveiled in unraveled

Well Well Well

I've come up with something

What if Keefe DID actually kill Ethan and his daughter

Hear me out

Shannon said that she was going to try and fit the information in unraveled into stellarlune

But it didn't work out

Then in try for book 10

But didnt fit

Well in stellarlune we know the 2 humans WERE actually brought up

Could that have been Shannon trying to write in the information about them but didn't work?

But you're probably wondering how this means Keefe killed them

Stick with me

Almost there

Keefes memory of him delivering the letter was SHATTERED

Not washed

Shattered

That was the only memory (as of known so far) to be shattered

The rest got washed

Why go out of your way to shatter THAT specific memory when the others were washed

Like the one with Gisela was on the roof with Alvar

That wasn't anything he needed to remember later

But why treat it different

Also

Gisela was talking like Keefe had something to do with their death

(Could've been manipulation tactic and it probably was but still)

Keefe had also visited their graves and asked about them

Confirmed stuff about them WILL be in unraveled

He wasn't acting himself in stellarlune

Yes he wasn't acting himself in unlocked either

And also yes he's been going numb and that absolutely will contribute to that

But idk

It just seems like there's more to it than JUST that

And THAT would definitely mess someone up

AND I'm already pretty sure his mind will shatter in book ten

So that could be the tipping point for it to do so

AND Shannon said this is game changing news

That definitely would be COMPLETELY plot changing and everything

And it would make sense why we'd need to see this revelation through his pov rather than in Sophie's just being told

Even if Keefe didn't kill them himself

But more so he had a more direct role in their murders than previously thought

So what do yall think of this

[godisshook]

A Ride to Remember

I had known Liam since high school, he was one of the smartest in our grade, but he barely talked to anyone. I considered him a friend, and would work with him whenever I could. Knowing this I should probably introduce myself, my name is Adama Traore, son of two loving immigrant parents, and luckily, very gay. Later during freshman year, I got a boyfriend, I still remember him fondly as my first kiss, and my first heartbreak. When we broke up junior year, I went into a complete spiral, going to gay bars and hooking up with any guy I could find, neglecting my whole life because of a breakup. I barely spoke to Liam that year, I had heard he got a girlfriend in sophomore year, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. When college applications came around I applied to everywhere I could, just to see who would let me in. I knew that Liam was dead-set on going to Pell College, one of the most selective schools in the country. I applied to Pell too, and when decisions came out, I checked it last. It felt like slow motion when I saw in big letters:

ADAMA TRAORE,

WELCOME TO PELL NATION

I was officially a Dire Wolf (the Pell mascot, it’s lame, I know). I saw on the big board in the front office all the other major acceptances. Liam had a couple, but one stood out, a big wolf paw with his name in it, he got in too. I wasn’t shocked, but this most certainly meant we were going to the same college. While this would be the start to a great conversation, it simply never happened, we had just grown too distant.

Senior year came and went with me seeing little of Liam, and now it was summer break. I was college prepping and my mom was sobbing as she took me shopping for essentials each and every day. One day, I went onto our schools acceptance page on Instagram, and the latest post had a familiar person, at least, a familiar name.

@lgporter876 Hey guys, my name is Liam Porter and I am going to be a freshman at Pell in 2023, i wanna get to know ppl so leave ur snaps in the comments.

He was completely different. The shy sweet guy that I knew from high school had changed entirely. I didnt care though, he was doing his own thing and I was doing mine. I posted a few days after him, and I become flooded with dm’s of sorority girls asking me to be their gay best friend, truly something out of a nightmare if you ask me.

The day before classes, all of my things were moved into my dorm and I met my roommates. Kyle was your average nerd, he had brown curly hair and freckles, and wore glasses with wide rims. Next was Jamie, he was quiet, but stood at 6’2 and was here on a basketball scholarship. I immediately started chatting him up, and tried to see if he could be a potential fling. Finally was Eric. Eric was lanky but wasn’t entirely introverted like Kyle, hanging out with people and even becoming a good friend of mine on campus.

One of the buses drop off a load of students to the dorms, and a familiar face comes out of it with bags in hand:

My mom had barely seen Liam since freshman year, and never caught on that it was him, but I most definitely did. He walks to one of the dorms further down from mine, “There goes my chance to chat with him in the hallways.” I think to myself. I was a Literature major, and from what I knew Liam wanted to study Mechanical Engineering, so there was little chance we would ever see each other in the same class.

I go to my first class of the day: “History of Pre-Columbian Writing and Forms” taught by a frazzled professor who looks no younger than 76 named Dr. Fredericks. He was an awesome teacher, and I actually paid attention in class. Afterward I head to my Civics and Common Law class, it was rather empty, except for Liam. He was sitting in the 5th row, and as I open the door he glances back and meets my eye. I sit in the 7th row, open my computer, and start snooping. Lo and behold, this very class was an optional GenEd for Mechanical Engineering, and Liam chose it. I quickly leave class, and rush to my dorm.

A few weeks pass and my minifridge is empty. After eating the dining hall food for practically a month straight I was tired, so I drove to the gas station near our school to get some snacks and microwave meals. In the far back of the gas station I spot a group of frat bros, from the letters I could make out they were in Delta Zeta Kappa, known as one of the most toxic on campus. Laughing right with them is no other than Liam himself.

“You should’ve fucked her!” one of the bros near him says before patting Liam’s back. I try to quickly pick my stuff up and leave, but one of the other brothers whistles at me. It was Tyler Felton, a guy who I drunkenly hooked up with at one of his frat’s parties. Tyler calls me over and introduces me to each of the other brothers, and they start chuckling and jabbing Tyler in the arm, clearly he’s already talked about me to them. When I shake hands with Liam, it’s bare sly even a touch before he already has his hands pulled away.

Leaving the gas station was rather embarrassing, simply because I could imagine what they would talk about once I left. But Liam, he confused me. I didn’t think we were on bad terms, but by that handshake it seems we were.

I go back to my room and go straight to his instagram to figure out what’s going on. He still follows me, and it’s clear he unfollowed people from high school, so if he hated me why in the world did he still follow me?

I look at his recent posts and my eye catches to one of them:

He had clearly been going to the gym, and even though he might be a jerk now, he’s fucking HOT. I pull down my pants and start masturbating, thinking about feeling those muscles of his and fantasizing about how big his cock must be. I close my eyes and start imagining it, and the thought of it makes me end up getting cum all over my phone, and I immediately start wiping it away with tissues, feeling ashamed that I just came to a picture of a guy who is most definitely straight. After my little session on his insta, I study for my pre-calculus exam, and slowly drift to sleep over my notes. My alarm jolts me awake, as drool is all over my notes from my sudden study sesh coma. I rustle them together into my backpack and head to class for the day. Liam is there (as always) and we don’t speak at all during or after class (as always). As we’re packing up Dr. Stevens, the professor for the Civics course, announces we have a group project, but he’s already picked the partners.

As he rattles off last name pairings, I have yet to hear mine or Liam’s, until-“Mr. Traore, Mr. Porter, you two will be paired for this assignment.” My heart sinks to the very bottom of my chest. The guy who I now have nothing in common with, paired up for a 3-week assignment, nothing could be worse. “I can just handle it and you can get credit.” Liam says as he passes by me to leave class. Before he could fully pass, I grab his arm. He jerks back and stares at me. I glare back, “I will do my part too, I don’t know about you, but I care about this work.” Liam keeps my gaze and smirks. He easily releases his arm from my grasp, and walks away.

I don’t hear from him for a while, but he gets to work on our shared document, as do I. I suddenly get a DM on insta, while I expected it to be Liam, it was Tyler, sending me a flyer to his frat’s Halloween party. While Liam was most definitely going to be there, I just wanted a chance to dress all skimpy, so I accepted the invite.

After getting my sluttiest Daphne costume, i head down with Tyler, who decided to pick me up, and match with me as Fred (against my will mind you). My car had broken down, and I was simply far too broke to get it fixed now. We get to the party and it’s already insane, people are outside, beer pong tables set up everywhere, and girls grinding on all the brothers on the dance floor. I see nothing of Liam, but decide that’s a good thing.

The party goes much as I would have expected, with Tyler finding every way to stay near me, and me trying my very best to escape him when I can. I catch a glance of Liam while I walk for my 9th bathroom break to get away from Tyler. As I walk out, he’s near the door, and pushes me back in. “I want us to talk again.” he says, and before I can even get a word out, he leaves, never to be seen again.

Two days later I get a snap notification from none other than the man himself:

Using a shirtless gym selfie to get back into my good graces is a bold choice, considering i’m “talking to” one of his frat brothers, but I assume it’s all platonic, and send a photo of me studying for my literature exam in my bed back. After snapping back and forth for a few days I assume that will be all there is, and accepted that at least he was talking to me about our project. After checking the project the day before it’s due I see an announcement.

YOU ARE TO USE POSTER BOARD TO PRESENT KEY POINTS, POWERPOINT AND OTHER DIGITAL PROGRAMS WILL NOT BE USEABLE AS THE PROJECTOR IS DEAD.

Dr. Stevens was giving us an extension to find the stuff we needed, and I quickly text Liam to go pick up some poster board as my car is still very much broken. He chats back “come with me.” Confusion swept my face as getting poster board definitely wasn’t a two person job, but he quickly chatted again, “we can work on it together at my place.” Seeing this as a chance to actually reconnect, I say yes, and he comes to pick me up.

I start taking hits of my dab pen in the car, knowing that high me would actually be able to get some work done. As we pull into a residential area, he stops and pulls to the sidewalk. I ask him, “Why in god’s name did you stop here??? The store isn’t for a few more miles.” “I have been waiting for this my whole life.” he replies. Thinking i’m about to get axe murdered by my old friend I try to get out, but the doors are locked. He then says, “I never knew how I felt about you until I saw you with that fucker Tyler, the dude doesn’t deserve a pet rock, much less you.” The sudden romantic shift of his words gives me whiplash, but at least he’s not trying to kill me? As he says this, he puts a hand on my thigh. Even though I had ended my villain era, a little hookup between old friends was just what the doctor ordered.

I get in the base of the seat under him and pull his pants down very slowly. His hard dick pops up out of his underwear, and he glances down at me as I start to suck. He groans loudly and grabs the handle at the top, looking at me straight in the eyes the whole time.

As I continue doing down on him, he says, “I knew this would be the best.” If the rumors were true, he had fucked nearly half the freshman girls, and somehow i’m the best? I smile and keep going until he stops me. With his massive arms he pulls my head up and says, “It’s not over yet.” He pulls his shirt over his head, revealing that hard body and, as he starts the car he says, “Keep sucking.”

On the road in the rain, I keep looking up at this old friend of mine, wondering if i had missed a signal, and as I keep going, he starts to push my head down on his massive cock, and then let’s put a loan moan, as he cums all in my mouth. I swallow it down and look up at him, still listening to his music and focusing on the road.

While still below him, we come to a stop. He unbuckles and gets out, only in his boxers. I shimmy up and stumble out, clearly not at a Walmart or any place we could get poster for that matter. “It’s my cousins place, he’s not home so he lets me stay.” Liam says as if reading my mind. It’s clear what he wants, and I get ready for it.

After getting in he immediately starts kissing me, Unbuttoning my shirt, and pulling down my pants until i’m much like him, only far less muscly and way shorter. He pins me against the wall and starts kissing my nipples, saying, “Do you like that?” as he goes on and on. Eventually he takes me upstairs, and as I do I see him pull his boxers down. He tells me, “Get on the bed.” and I comply.

As i’m under him on the bed, he starts shoving his dick in my ass, pounding and pounding my tight ass and grunting all while doing it. He flexes his muscles in a mirror right next to the bed, which is the only way i can even notice what he’s doing as he’s giving me the best backshots of my life. He tells me to get up and wrap my legs around his, with his cock still in me i maneuver around and do it, and he asks, “Is that better?” After nodding he says, “Good boy.” and I look down, completely falling for him. As he pounds me again, I feel up and down his hard body, and he keeps fucking me ruthlessly.

After pounding my ass until it goes from a dark brown to a purplish tinge, Liam says, “I’ve had a crush on you since forever, but I never knew what to say, and by the time I could you had a boyfriend. I was always looking for a chance but I thought it would never happen, so I worked to be the guy you would want, and I just hope I fucking am.” How had I been so naïve??? He wanted to be with me since freshman year and I was the one to friendzone him. Letting this words sit with me for a while I caress his face and say, “You have always been the guy I wanted, I was just too blind to see.”

He smirks and starts fucking like never before, he takes my hips and moves it towards and away from his cock, grunting each time his cock goes all the way in me. In this moment I don’t see anything else but him, and as he cums in me I pull his body towards me, pulling him into me, and embracing him as our warm sweaty bodies touch. After that we end up continuing for five more rounds, each getting more and more passionate. After that whenever we would see each other after class,we would go into the supply closet and fuck again. I felt like a ball of hormones but it felt good with him.

Finally at present day, with us having been dating for three years, it seems like all of this could’ve been missed if anything had gone wrong. Every moment with him is truly memorable, and even though I never would’ve saw myself with the quiet nerd turned frat guy, I guess that’s what happened. I thank the universe each and every day for that fateful car ride, and as i get ready to graduate, I start thinking that Porter sounds like a perfect last name for me.

[cupoftaae]

Heyy! Love your work💜 Could you maybe write something fluffy, where tae is y/n’s comfort and she goes to him after a bad day🫶🏻

Hello there! AW, thank you for reading!

Fluffy taehyung is my weakness, I hope you enjoy anon :)

warnings- mentions of weed, swearing. Soft taehyung needs his own warnings tbh. also this takes place as if they were both like, 19-20 ish ....KIND OF FRIENDS TO LOVERS LOWKEY

wanna build a pillow fort? -KTH drabble

you werent sure how you had landed in this position in the first place, but here you were, sitting in the living room while your parents explained to you that...well...the college you had been praying to get into one day had declined you.

"are you sure?" you whispered, watching your dad show you the letter. You sighed, trying to hold back any signs of emotion. You had taken a gap year between graduating high school to now, just to grasp your bearings. You put all your energy into working and getting into school, but the universe had other plans.

"I know you wanted this so badly, y/n, im sorry" your mother sat down next to you. "What am I gonna do? I had no backup plan..." your face falls into your hands. "your so young, you have time. you can also sign up to take classes, you dont need to be a student" your mom adds.

"but I wanna be a student, thats the whole point."

"listen, I know this is stressful, but just go get some rest and maybe we can figure out a new plan tomorrow? ok?" your father stands up, looking at you sadly.

You shrugged, knowing that they were just trying to help, but there was no way out of this, you were fucking upset.

Once you had gotten into your room, slamming your door shut, you collapsed onto your bed and took 5 deep breathes, you didnt want to cry. You were a big girl now and crying over school was dumb. You just wanted to be with someone right now, and your best friend was 3 streets over, making things difficult.

You could invite him over, but your father wasnt too pleased to see him late at night the last time he was here. He had walked in and alerted your dog, making him bark until your parents came downstairs, freaked out. They also just dont like the idea of a boy being in your room, despite the fact you are 19, and have been friends with taehyung since you were little....there were absolutely no feelings like that showing up... at least thats what you chose to believe.

You quickly texted him just to see if he was even up to hang.

You: wyd

Tae: making ramen, wbu?

you smiled and chose to ignore his message, making the quick decision to grab your jacket and sneak out your window. Youve only done this one other time, and it was when you had covid and your friend Vanessa dropped off chipotle outside on your side of the house for you.

You prayed to God that your parents had no installed cameras, because one, you didnt want to get caught, and two, you fell on your ass on the way out. "Jesus christ" you scoff, getting up and making a dash to taehyungs house in the dark.

-

Taehyung was standing in the kitchen and dancing to music with his dog, making his little paws move according to the choreography. "Why are you making food so late?" Taehyungs mother spoke, coming into the room to fill up her tea. "because its friday.." he mumbled, mouth full of noodles.

"Okay" she laughed and shook her head, "just clean up, yeah? oh, an-"

his mother was cut off by the front door being knocked on, "who is here at this hour?" she whispered, walking over to look through the peep hole. She sarcastically looked back at taehyung, "why is y/n on my front step?" she smirked.

"she is??" he walked over to the door.

"you know if you wanted to plan a date, I could have made real food for you guys"

"mom stop" he shyly shushed her before opening the door.

"hello" you mumble, bowing at the presence of his mother.

"Hey, y/n...is everything alright?" he asks, his mother gently pulling you inside. "its almost 11 dear" she spoke.

"Im ok, Im just needing some time out of my house, I hope im not intruding?"

"oh no, no, sweetie youre good" she smiled and closed the door.

Taehyung hugged you and glanced at his mom

"i'll be upstairs if you need anything" she spoke, grabbing her tea and walking upstairs before yelling "Be good, just not too good"

He laughed and pulled away to look at you. "Not that I mind your presence, but...why are you here?"

you giggled as he took your coat and hung it up. "well....I uhm" you looked around before sitting on the edge of the couch. "I didnt get in" you shrugged, forced smile on your face.

"hm? what are you talking about?" he stands in front of you

"I received a letter in the mail today from HUFS, and it was declining my application" you speak softly, watching him frown.

"y/n...Im so sorry"

"its okay, its just a lot, but i'll be fine."

He kneeled in front of you and held your hands, "you know...its okay to be sad, right?" he whispers, "that was your dream school.."

you nodded, wanting to sink into the floor the moment you felt tears prickling your eyes. "I know, but...something new will come. I just really wanted to be like you, in school and working towards my degree already, you know?" you shrug.

he nods, "I know, but.." he squeezed your hands, "life isnt a competition, we all do things when the universe pulls us in that direction. Its ok this didnt work out, maybe it was for the best. I know you, y/n, and whatever you do in life is going to be fucking amazing, no doubt about it. So be sad, mourn what you will miss, but dont let it hold you back."

you nodded as tears escaped your eyes, small cries falling from your lips as he immediately held you up and wrapped you into his arms. "Its okay....I promise" he coo'd, hand brushing your hair as you finally let yourself feel upset.

"thank you" you sniff, wiping your eyes as you hold him.

"cmon, lets go eat junkfood and build a fort" he squeezed your waist, making you blush slightly as you followed him to the kitchen. "a fort?" you asked, eyes still wet.

"mhm, with like the pillows and stuff" he spoke, taking another bite of noodles.

you giggle, "ok"

-

You two sat under a giant pillow fort, with a blanket over the head for the roof. "I have to say, your pillow fort making skills have improved. Remember when we were little and it would always collapse on us?" you snorted, nudging him.

"I have improved and grown in many ways, trust the process of time" he joked, taking a bite of the chip in his hand.

He definitely had grown and improved, taking a moment to look over his face proves the fact that Taehyung had matured quite nicely at that.

"dont stare its rude" he teased, finding something to watch on youtube.

You shake your head, "sorry" you lean over to lay beside him so you can see the screen of his laptop.

"Your parents wont like...kill me...if they find out you spent the night, right?"

you giggle, "am I spending the night?"

"well, you dont have to, I just assumed because its already 1am and its not safe for you to be out and about"

you shook your head, "what? so I dont have what it takes to fight off street hagglers?"

"oh you do, Im keeping you off the street for their safety" he spoke seriously, making you laugh.

"mm, and no, my parents arent gonna do anything, I dont think....maybe.....you know what? I dont know"

"oh that makes me feel good" he fake pouts

"Im teasing, im 19 and they need to get over keeping me locked up all the time..." you play with the fabric of the blanket.

"I think your dad hates me, dude" he sighed, shutting his laptop and leaving you both to lay in the dark as you looked up at the green blanket roof.

"shut up, he does not"

"He told me that he didnt want me showing up there anymore"

"thats because it was 4am and you scared the dog, I told you to come in through the window you fucking dumbass" you joked, "he also caught you with weed, so there you go"

"hm, fair I guess" he sighed

"he doesnt hate you I promise" you turned on your side to face him, not realizing how close your faces were.

He turned his head, noses barley touching as you both looked over each others faces in the dark.

"are you feeling better?" he whispered

"yeah...yeah I am" you mumbled, wanting to pull away but also choosing to stay put.

"good" he smiled and turned his body so it was also laying on his side, facing you.

"Y/n?" he asked

"yeah?"

"is it ok if I kiss you?"

you felt your hear stop in your chest, what did he just ask you?

"w-what?" you look at him, eyes wide

"I asked if I could kiss you?" he repeated, voice so soft and quiet. "its ok to say no" he added.

you took a breath, realizing that in moments like this, you really have to be honest with yourself and stop saying you aren't attracted to him, because here he is, in front of you, asking to kiss after taking his time to make you feel better. You can only hold on to your discipline so much before you fold.

"yeah...yeah you can kiss me, tae" you exhale, shocked the words even came from your mouth.

His large hand came up to hold your face delicately, thumb brushing your skin as you both leaned in slowly until each others lips clashed. The feeling felt a lot more natural than you anticipated, it wasn't weird, or awkward or cringe, it felt....right?

If tae's plan was to make you fully forget about that college letter, than goal achieved.

You knew you both would have to talk about this later, at some other time when your mouths weren't attached to each other, but for now all you wanted to do was be thankful for him.

you gently pulled back and giggled like a little girl, a blush creeping over your face as he pulled you against his chest. There were no words or jokes, you both simply laid together before eventually falling asleep in each others embrace.

Maybe he was right about better things coming, and maybe this was it.

A/N- this was so cute I was kicking my feet and giggling while writing, we all need our own taehyung.

[send-up-my-heart-to-you]

i know i’m late, but in honor of world’s teacher day i’d like to take a second to talk about my old arabic teacher

anyone who has ever had an arabic teacher knows that they’re really a hit or miss. for me, most of them were misses. in year eight and nine my arabic teachers were bullies who were such bad teachers that my arabic depreciated a lot.

then came year ten (2022-2023) and from the first day i could tell this teacher was nothing like that. he was jordanian, in his mid-thirties, and i cant remember how his face looked when he wasn’t smiling. his older daughter was in the same class as my younger sisters. he told us from the get-go that he genuinely didnt care if we stumbled over every letter we read, he didnt care if our essays were on the level of a third grader’s, he just wanted us to try. just wanted to see our hands raised even if we didnt know the answer. i took this as bullshit, honestly. i thought he was one of those teachers that says stuff like that then always tells you that you aren’t good enough.

he told us that most of our grade would come from essays, and i thought to myself, cool. i could swipe whatever of the internet. my first essay was written by my arabic tutor. i don’t even remember what it was about.

i got a 10/25. he didn’t say anything to me personally, but he said while addressing the class: “one student didn’t write her own essay. she got 10/25. another student wrote the whole thing herself with five spelling mistakes per sentence. she got a 20/25.”

near the end of the year he asked us to write about a person important to us. i wrote a six-page essay about my grandfather, submitted it after the deadline by almost a month by begging for extensions, and even then i fumbled by accidentally adding words that only exist in my dialect of arabic, instead of choosing words from standard arabic. i got a 90%. he pulled me aside in class, congratulated me, and called my mom to tell her that i did amazingly. that fixed my relationship with my mom so much.

his attitude with me was amazing, too. i was going thru a lot of stuff in year ten and before that, so teachers largely regarded me as a lost cause. he didn’t. he’d be genuinely proud of me if i just put your hands up. hes the reason i’m so confident answering questions in class now. one time i was talking to a friend in class while he was explaining a grammar rule, and he told me off. i just told him “i was paying attention” and repeated the rule to him. he didn’t say “yeah whatever” or blow me off. he beamed. he said “i swear to god, you shut me up.” i never saw a teacher be proud of me that way before or since

i told him once, privately, that i struggle with eye contact, but it doesn’t mean im not paying attention. other teachers who i told, they all said “ok but its rude. look me in the eye when im talking to you, it tells me youre paying attention.” him? he just nodded and never ever told me off for staring off.

he told us upfront that he’d never force us to present, but he’d appreciate it if we did. he said, “i know that people your age might feel anxious presenting, so tell me privately if you can’t do it. but if you do present, do it well. look your classmates in the eye—they are no better than you.”

speaking of which, i did deal with a good amount of bullying in year ten. my classmates would laugh at my slow reading, so he’d say “can’t you see she’s trying? leave her alone”. when they’d argue with him bc they didn’t wanna sit next to me, he’d say “be kind. shes your sister, you aren’t any better than her.” year ten was my final year in that school—it was hell being there, but when i transferred he was one of the few people i missed.

he passed way last april. i cried for a good two days, mourning him as if he was my own father. his legacy lives in the way that my reading and writing in arabic are almost flawless, in the way i now adore my mother tongue, in the way i listen to qasidahs and ahmed shawqi.

i will never forget you, teacher. may god have mercy on your soul and raise you to the highest ranks of heaven

[narzissenkreuz-ordo]

im not gonna go into too much detail since its my business that doesnt need to aired out in the open

but this weekend was absolutely worst case scenario. i was no contact with my father for 3 years before he contacted us shortly after my mom's cancer surgery and because me and my sibling were both so vulnerable we decided to give it one last chance.

I made a mistaking thinking things would be different, he has his fair share of trauma and one of the first things he said to us on the phone a few months ago that no matter what he loves us and supports us with 'living our lives they way we want' and that was not the case at all

he brought his new wife and step daughter with him ( i realize now that he guilt tripped me into letting them come even when i said it should just be us) and i'm pretty sure they have NO idea about our baggage

he just acted like nothing had happened the past 3 years. we didnt have a conversation lasting more than a minute at a time. his new normal family didnt even talk to us or try to get to know us, i still dont even know what his wife's job is or his step daughter's college major is

they made me cry on the ferry to seattle yesterday, trying to convince me and brother to just get odd jobs or find work online rather than go through with disability benefits and at that point i just mentally clocked out. once we were out of the car in seattle i decided to stay at a near by cafe so they could go to tourist-y stuff (i do not do good in big crowds) and i just ended up ubering to the ferry terminal and went home on my own. And i have not talked to them since, he know i was upset and feeling sick and didn't even send me a text asking how he was doing. instead he dropped my sibling back home in the afternoon, didn't even take him out to eat, and then sent us pictures of the drinks he got at this local cider place that me and griffin were dying to try out. he was 20 minutes away and went out with his new family and took pictures to shows. i repeat. he was 20 minutes away from my house.

so i cut my losses and ended up writing a long ass letter last night. i wasnt mean, calling him a horrible person or calling him names. just how i felt so utterly unimportant to him and had no idea why he even reached out to us again, i told him i felt like he played a horrible cruel joke on me and brother

and thats that i guess. i was absolutely appalled by his step daughter and wife. I have never met such a group of entitled people before, the two of them are 1st gen ukrainian immigrants. They were absolutely disgusted that there were public needle disposal stations and pro-palestinian signage in the area. I cannot believe that they experienced the horror and pain of the current on-going conflict of their home on such a personal level yet roll their eyes at the current genocide happening in gaza. 'im glad the college protesting fad isn't popular on tiktok anymore' 'no one talks about ukraine anymore because of this' like. absolutely abhorrent.

so yippee i guess i have my final closure!!!!! theres no more second chances (this was like, the 10th chance at this point the past 20 years lol)

ok i realize i went into Too much detail but i feel better posting this thank god

[altschmerzes]

for those of you playing along at home, i made it through the funeral/memorial/whatever. honestly could’ve been worse.

this is long and probably tmi but im processing out loud ig. probably should just keep a journal instead but here we are.

yesterday sucked ass mostly because like. at some point in the last two years since i started law school/moved to canada my father sent me some package at my grandmother’s house. yes this is after i made it very clear i did not want to see or hear from him. years after i made that clear. he did this fairly regularly - tried to give me things or pass messages through my sister or my mother or grandmother. anyway she asked if i wanted it, i was like. uh. No. and i guess she kept it for Some Reason because when i was very briefly at her house before heading to where the memorial happened today she pointed me at a pile of my things she wanted me to look at and there was a package. and on autopilot or something because ive been completely f r i e d out of my gourd this weekend i made the mistake i havent made in YEARS and opened it.

and i gotta say if i were going to ignore my daughter’s very clearly communicated boundaries and attempt to get in touch with her after she made it extremely clear she did not want me to do that SIX YEARS AGO at the time my go-to method of somehow persuading her to drop her decision to go no-contact wouldn’t involve [checks notes] a pearl necklace and a three-plus page letter about how nothing was ever my fault.

threeeeeee and then some pages of self-pitying guilt trip about how everyone turned their backs on him and other people kept us apart (as if that was the problem, the years of his absence rather than the years of his abuse) and how he knows the alcohol was bad but he’s off it now! he’s had such a hard life! i should stop punishing myself and other people! he won’t be around forever! (ISNT THAT IRONIC. LMAO.) after finishing this letter he TWICE decided he needed to add extra bits about how things don’t have to be like this, they can be better, and how im making “uninformed decisions” about him without knowing “the whole story.”

yikes.

anyways. that sucked and fucked me up real bad but my fiancé and i burned it last night on the beach and i threw the pearls (pearls? really? PEARLS?????) into the pacific.

then today. it was honestly fine. none of his friends seemed to even know i refused to speak to him, as they talked to me like they were assuming i was around all the time and super involved in his life. not sure what to make of that but it made it very easy to smile and nod and thank them for coming and not worry about anything further than that. he knew some cool people honestly. they were pretty neat, and his partner of 11 years, effectively my stepmom, is kind of awesome tbh. no idea what she was doing with him. and also my sister only yelled at me in front of some 50+ people once. for my sister this was a win.

and my brother came.

that was….. shocking. i had been in contact with his mom on and off about this but it was NOT clear at all if he was gonna show up. i figured not, honestly, because he’s so hard to get ahold of and none of us have seen him since 2016. but he came. and he brought his kids. my nephew is going into fifth grade and my niece is starting second and oh my gd they’re great. they’re adorable and funny and such sweet kids and i hand to gd thought id never see them again. now it looks like they’re going to come to my wedding reception when we have one out here so my family can attend something. it’s…. i didnt think id ever see or speak to him again and definitely not the kids. but there they were. i stood next to my brother with his arm around my shoulders and mine around his waist while my mom gave a little speech to everyone who was there thanking them for coming and felt him breathing and couldn’t believe it was real. i dug around in the sand with my niece and my nephew must have hugged me about a half-dozen times. they’re good, sweet kids and my brother is a kind, patient father.

tomorrow’s gonna suck, taking a redeye home, gonna land at like 5 am tuesday and then have to cross my fingers and hope border control is chill with me, this whole situation has been a complete nightmare (except for my wife being there, thank gd) but today was as good as it possibly could’ve been. it’s probably gonna take me a while to really like….. even out from this, i think, but it’s almost over and then i get to live the rest of my life without worrying about ever seeing that man again.

what he did to me is going to follow me the rest of my life but HE won’t because he’s fucking dead and im alive and that means i won.

[bright-and-burning]

sometimes i think abt how my parents’ love story sounds like completely fanfic trope-ified nonsense. they got married twice. the first time was a courthouse wedding on like two days notice so they could sign a lease for a better cheaper apartment a few days later. the second time was a “real” wedding w friends and family back east over a year later. they went to the same tiny liberal arts college, had the same friends, were both history majors just two years apart, even took a class together!! and yet didnt know each other until afterwards, when they met in a whole other state. when they met the first time my mom was out w her friends in a bar and my dad asked her out and she was like no im with my friends im not gonna leave them. hit me up some other time. and he ran into her again and asked her out and she said yes. they started dating like a month before my dad moved to the other side of the country for grad school, and this was when long distance calls were more expensive and they were both broke grad students so they could only call at like 2am when it was cheaper. they wrote lots and lots of letters. my mom followed him out west. the first page of his phd dissertation makes me cry every time i read it bc he thanks her and it’s so sweet it hurts!!!

anyways i love them but they literally sound fake. like what do you mean you got married twice

[beforethepoison]

personal shit:

Where I live there two ex tv show hosts now "influencers" who are very nice people very cool people and I always liked them. In the middle of this year, I met them and they recognize me from IG and they were very sweet. Later on, one of this influencers asked me "When I'm gonna get my book?" (I'm a writer and I wrote a book) and I was like SUPER HAPPY that he was interested in reading my book. Somewhere inside me something said: Well , he could at least buy the book because he has money for this. But then I ignored, I took one of the last copies of my book and I send to them very quickly through mail (paying more to arrive in the next day). A week went by, two weeks went by and nothing. Three weeks went by, and nothing.

A month went by. Nothing. One day I commented in his ads and he was like "blablabla lol and where is my book?" and i was like '-'

"I sent to you! A very long time ago, I even wrote a letter and stuff but I did sent the book"

And he didn't answer me. Didnt like my comment whatsoever.

I asked to his management if he received my book and they were like : We will let you know when he will!.

And NEVER GOT A SINGLE MESSAGE.

And I wrote in the message: This is not a merch thing. This is a gift. I just wanna know if he read it.

Absolutely nothing happened.

What pains me the most is that: I used my mom's money to get my book there faster as it could. I had a VERY HARD TIME selling my book. Very hard. And this book is a work , is a product, and he just simply "asked me" but since my heart was full of joy of meeting them and feeling like I was """"""""close"""""" to them, I send it for free. He didn't bought the book.

While I was waiting for his answer, my house was having troubles with the rain, we were even having a hard time to buy food. And he was doing what? Merch, travelling, getting richer and richer.

I didn't want him to do a merch of my book for his followers. I just wanted to know if he liked the book, simply as that.

And I feel very like a fucking clown to be writing this. Because it just shows that we can't believe in rich people. As much they are sweet, or come from a poor background....We Just can't fucking believe in rich people.

[forestryfae]

man it is SO nice to find a solution to a really shit problem only for 50 other problems to happen

i am completely alone with zero support in a house i hate, doing as much housework as possible so it can be manageable both in day to day life and so its not hard to just leave when i move, and i still am not getting any help getting rid of the stuff.

i have almost no money and i have to pay to take the train to buy food or neccessities and i was dumb enough to not send a letter sooner so i dont know if ill get my money until after christmas or not, i havent bought more than one christmas gift either cus im fucking broke, and i dont feel anywhere in my body that i want to spend time making something for anyone. my brother still isnt done paying me my money back and literally hasnt talked to me since last time he asked for money, my dad hasnt fucking talked to me in ages and the one time he called in summer it was out of boredom to ask when i was gonna visit them, none of my extended relatives talk to me at all so what the fuck is the point there, and my mom is just. a fucking bitch.

i had her removed as a legal guardian, not even on purpose initially but because folkenemnda or whoever sent her a letter before i was able to have a meeting, so she ofc got fucking offended and now has decided sve cant be involved in anything. she cant call electricians, she cant help fix the house, its "too difficult" for her to have to talk to me or my new legal guardian instead of just buying stuff right away, and she told ME to get a new phone service provider. i had to fix that myself. on top of her being, once again, a useless bitch. dont touch my stuff i say, its fucking embarrassing that you have dirty laundry she implies while moving all my furniture around and doing shit to my kitchen while refusing to acknowledge its my house but still treating it like her own, and not fixing the internet again after they unplugged it.

so i have no access to internet besides my last 150 mb of phone data unless i call some guy to fix it, but they wont be here until next year most likely so its pretty much pointless, and if i buy phone data i have to pay. so if i cant get it fixed ill be literally alone for two weeks straight with no people at all around me and noone i can talk to on the internet. except for fucking. christmas. idk about new years eve. and i dont even fucking like my family, i dont even want to spend time with them, they treat me like shit.

the ac doesnt work since mom got the electricians to look at everything but never actually hired anyone to fix shit and now is completely uncooperative. and after they checked the fireplace in that control like two years ago im not allowed to use it, and mom never actually got that fixed either even though shes been in charge of absolutely everything since forever.

plus both heaters downstairs are set to 27c or max and it still is only like 17 or 19 or so, i have an entire room in the house i straight up cant use cus theres no power and no light and 17c in there and its full of stuff i asked mom to take to the thrift store for me 6 months ago. also i cant leave either heater on if im boiling water or washing dishes cus that overloads the entire fucking thing.

and its just like so much bullshit all at once and ive been spacing out for like 2 hours while writing this cus i get so frustrated and upset and angry and sad. its not fucking fair that my parents literally dont care about me, yet im expected to be fucking sociable and call and visit them and reach out. they didnt reach out to me or support me at all when i was a kid, or a teenager, or an adult, why the fuck would i want to deal with them. but if i dont go to visit them on christmas or i point out that hey. youre not really being fair or nice to me at all, hell breaks loose cus i should be more than happy with the crumbs they give me, as if theyre the best people in the world for fucking. calling once every six months or letting me celebrate a holiday with them.

like. im stuck here for 2 weeks, im broke as shit, no connection to the outside world once i use all my data, i very much am still mentally ill even if im better than before i went inpatient. but once i go back ill have to go back to work and i dont have a psychiatrist to talk to and im not on any meds i think i might need and i havent been tested for anything yet, i havent been had driving practice yet, i can barely talk to my support contact, i need a lot more help than i am being given, im not getting the help i ask for when i do ask for it, and thats on top of shit parents and a shit house and two cats i love but am not sure i can keep given the whole thing where im gone for months at a time. and i just. how the fuck am i supposed to be able to keep a job or ever move out or make friends properly or keep a new apartment or house or be mentally stable. its so much bullshit all at once wtf

[algolstare]

Honey, I know you're scared but you're lucky you have people outside the abusive circle who love you. I had nobody. Maybe you need to take a leap of faith and ask them for help, truly. You can't keep living like this. Just now it's a kind of awful stop gap but don't let it become permanent. I know you have to be careful rn but this is no way to be living. I know you want to protect those who love you because you love them but something has to give. You're going to have keep your wits about you and figure out your next move, but I know this is easier said than done. But please don't give up. Your mom is a monster. Don't let her win. That's why she's doing this because by leaving you managed to gain the upper hand and as bullies don't like this, she's upping the ante. She is a sick fuck and a coward. If you have somebody or people who may be prepared to help you, who are aware of the situation and possible danger presented by your mom, who are prepared to get you out of there PROPERLY and on your feet and give you that time to get cleaning job or whatever - you seem very hardworking etc - then take your chance, sweetheart.

I'm sorry for the long letter but I had no help and it nearly killed me. But I got out by skin of my teeth because I knew I was doomed anyways if I stayed. But you have your safety and others safety to consider I know. I just hope and will you to get out for good, to not give up.

i am lucky, this is true the people who love me have changed my life for the better in ways i cant even put into words. i can say honestly that enduring this long has been worth it just for the warmth from my loved ones, who feel so much more like family than blood-family there are limits to what you can do for someone when you live oceans away. there are limits to what you can do, when you are struggling yourself. there are limits to what you can do with regards to money, energy, time, level of risk taken on. if my loved ones could have scooped me up out of here a la prince on a white horse im completely certain they would have done so already i cant go back to the place i lived before even knowing the favorable circumstance w/ regards to that. my mother was completely confident about coming to take me back, she knows the address, itd be a repeat of the same - probably not even waiting for an excuse if im very unlucky. i can't afford to take a leap of faith the worst that can happen is not that someone would say no - it's that someone would decide for me that the way to go is to involve the authorities, which isnt safe for me so long as i am here with nowhere else i can go, at a moment's notice or otherwise. it is hours to the nearest shelter. even if i were out of here, even if i decide i dont give a goddamn if they get into trouble for their own evil choices, i cant afford to take anyone to court, and even if everyone believed me and i didnt end up as yet another villainized abuse victim, it still wouldnt make me any more secure in having a place to live, and it isnt a means to gaining housing. not only that, there's more to take into account: what happens when my mother who is pretending to be not evil is no longer constantly watching what the workers who care for my sibling do to someone who the authorities will never believe? if that doesnt make sense for being too vague, i can say what i mean more clearly by tying it to something else: opportunistic predatory adults outside my home took advantage of me every time i let it slip that nobody gave a shit what happens to me. it's important to maintain the illusion of having people who care about what happens to you if you dont want people to take advantage of the easiest target in clear view. unless i can personally be someone who they know to fear consequences from, breathing down their necks, there will be consequences for unraveling my mother's webs of lies. they already don't treat my sibling as they should. it's not only my own safety i risk with every mistake. even if i decide to say fuck it, seek the help of others even though i know wherever i go if my family finds me they will do their best to do more harm, including to people who help me, it's not just the weight of guilt for that - but for my siblings, only one of which has escaped completely and isnt in any danger from family anymore, the other is totally and completely still at their mercy despite physically not living in the same house anymore, and nobody counts his words for anything because he's intellectually disabled - even when the authorities get involved, which they have been too many times for me to even count anymore, nobody believes him or me or maybe they just didnt care, either way, the outcome is the same.

even if i tossed all that aside and shirked my sense of morality that i know is all tied up in misplaced blame and living under the gaslight since birth, i dont have room for mistakes for my own sake either. im already physically so fucked up from just under a month of not even the worst theyve done, if it escalates further, i dont know. ive managed to just walk off tons of blood loss before, but that was a miracle, and i was more well-fed then. there's nowhere for me to go if i fuck up and don't have another place to go lined up.

my work went up in flames, i have no income right now and have to figure that out running on less than empty, and i have the option of trying to raise funds for escape again but again, it's more than money constraints, i have to figure out so many things and none of these decisions are small

ive promised my loved ones repeatedly im not going to give up, and i dont feel like breaking it at all. im going to keep trying. but it's really, really, really not a matter of willpower. i have that in spades.

im glad that you got out and i hope that you remain safe for the rest of your life and never ever have to endure abuse again. i know that everything you say comes from the heart and from a good place, of wanting me to be well, and of rooting for someone whose struggle you see your own in - i dont want to discount that by talking about how impossible everything looks right now for me, at all!!

i wish i could come up with a better reply. i dont want to go "so true, will do!!" when i know all the reasons i cant do, you taking the time to encourage me is so meaningful to me that i want to be nothing but sincere.

[bi-curious--george]

An Open Letter To Taylor Swift

I feel silly even writing this. That being said.. what's it going to hurt? I know you have a tendancy to read things and lurking in places nobody would expect.  And personally, I don't think you'll ever actually read this, but I have always wanted to tell you what a fan I am, and I figure after this many years, it may be time.  I talked myself out of writing this, thinking nobody's going to read it, and that may be true, but, one time when i was drunk, I wrote president obama about how unjust the system was and rambled about domestic violence and he wrote me back a very personal letter and if that can happen because of my words, why not try to see if you read this and I can ramble about what an impact you made in my life.  And what a hypocrite i would be if i would sit every day telling people how important their stories are, but think that mine isnt important.  I don't need a response, and don't believe I will ever get one.. But it would mean the world to me if you knew how much you saved me as a kid.  To give you some context, I am a therapist now, but I have been a fan of yours since before your first album ever came out.  And I really believe that your album was a huge reason I got through my shitty childhood to be here today.  I would love to tell you a funny little glimpse of how I'm stumbled upon you.

So i grew up just dirt poor.  And i had a really, really traumatic childhood (and adulthood, but thats a different letter, to, Obama apparently) and i remember so vividly how i became a fan of yours.  So. I was trying to take a bath.  And i loved baths - this was my escape from my awful childhood right?   and i used to play the radio while i did and I'd crank the music.  And we lived in the middle of nowhere with no actual television reception so my parents had to pay for satellite TV.  So i did have that going  for me.   So i turn on the satellite radio on my parents tv all the way up, go draw my bath down the hall, and i get in the tub and get in, and i heard your music for the first time. I wish I could remember the first song, but i dont (I am betting Tim McGraw, but i dont recall precisely). What i do remember is me running down the hall in a towel, basically tripping over myself soaking wet, literally  dripping, yelling " DON'T CHANGE IT I NEED TO FIND OUT WHO IT IS".  And you or maybe the dj? announced your first album coming out, and i instantly knew what i was going to ask for for Christmas.  

I didnt think i was going to get it.  I actually rarely got what i wanted for gifts, They normally shopped at the dollar store. Around Christmas time, i showed them your CD and begged and begged for it. I still didn't think id get it. I have vague memories of showing them the CD of yours in a Kmart and very dramatically saying  " this one! " So They couldn't claim they didn't know which one it was when Christmas time rolled around. 

The suspense is killing you, im sure. So I'll  get to it, but, I did get your cd for Christmas. And then from that point on, every time I got screamed at, every time I was hurt, or I didn't feel heard, i could at least escape. It was a peace offering of sorts in my mind, i think.   My favorite song was probably "Tied Together With A Smile". 

Life got a little hard after that, I'd become a single mom at 19 and my relationships were, well, complicated, and your music just became more and more relatable. And I just was able to pour myself more and more into your music. I've always just been so thankful for your music to be there. I found a partner and I love him, and somehow your music is still relatable.

 I've appreciated that your music  has been there the whole time.  The staying power it had in my life, from teens to 30s, I think is what made it so impactful. Your music was the soundtrack of my life while ive been learning how to reclaim my life as my own - and seemingly watching you do the same. 

I always wished I could have seen you in concert. But money got tight, then stayed tight.  I settled for what i could- scream singing in the car and shower.   

I went to grad school, had some more kids, and I became a therapist and my parents disowned me which was a wild ride.  I tried so hard to get tickets to see you this time, I didn't think I would care that much, I even anticipated it not going in my favor as I was grown now and i can handle not getting to go to a concert if they ran out of tickets.

I will admit, this Ticketmaster fiasco felt so unfair.  I had worked for so long and so hard to get to a place where i could finally see you in person.  I had been a fan since before your first album.  Life had screwed me over so many times in so many ways, but it felt like i made it through it - and now i could support myself and spend my own money and be a part of this eras tour - see all the eras i couldn't see when i was hiding from the abusive relationships or couldn't afford the albums and had to repeat them on YouTube to memorize them.  I was crushed after 8+ hours of waiting to still not get tickets. 

I'm betting not hearing you in person probably hurt more at the time because I found you when I lived with my parents and  since I had been disowned semi recently by my parents and you had been such an integral part in my healing it became this awful metaphor for me not being able to move forward.  "I'm 32, I went to grad school, i still can't buy a house for my family, my car is going to die and I can't replace it (at the time), I'm stuck at a job that doesn't appreciate me, I can't even see the one concert I wanted, where did I fuck up so bad?" and like it was an awful loop of me messing up somewhere along the line.. and I cried probably every day from the day of Ticketmaster failure until the second day of Minneapolis, and even sometimes now even thinking about losing the chance. Ticketmaster had other ideas for me i guess.  And that's not on you, that's just a me thing.  And that's for my new therapist to unpack,  😂

I still try to watch the lives on tiktok so I can try to be a part of What is likely our generations Woodstock. You are doing amazing things, and I hope that you and your family and friends are endlessly proud of you.

Regardless, thank you for being a part of my journey, I'm so glad you were there. And if you ever tour again, which I hope you do, I'll see you there. 

I wrote this whole thing out on 8/1,  I was going to print it out and mail it as I had heard that's  the best avenue..  then I never got around to it as I felt silly. It's now 8/3, the day that more dates were announced (I knew it! I knew Canada would get some dates!)  Unfortunately Minnesota did not get more dates but I'm going to register for Indianapolis  on 11/2- it's worth a shot.  🤞. I slept on it, and said to myself, Let's put it on Tumblr and let the universe decide if you should see it.

[just-some-random-blogger]

meow meow, good evening or morning. it must be 22:12 in your timezone though. 'cos i didnt watch it' no way you haven't watched hotd sis.... 'i tried watching doctor who with my mom' omg i see i see. i tried to watch it YEARS ago when my english was even worse than now and it was quiet an expirience... 'so i just didnt watch it' so you know what you need to do yeah ;;) 'are you faulting him for that ?' nooooo?? why'd you think that of me TT i was merely pointing the detail that broke my heart TT where is an accusation?? where do you see it?? if i mock a person, i say it straightforward. '😡😡😡👿👿👿🤬🤬🤬👹👹👹👺👺👺 here you go' thanks. that's me when you say i'm faulting this pretty boy with glossy eyes. 'im shocked you send me a lot of asks' does it bother you? 'praying for myslef' praying for you, catmom 'i meant im good at math (cos i am) but as a bad person at math ??' *suspicious emojis pls ty* understand. my math teacher sent me to take a part in a math competition and i was like ??? girl i'm a linguist ?? tha fact this word have 1 similar letter with 'math' doesn't mean anything ?? so yeah. relate. 'i have starrted writing the witch prompt' OMGOMG are you kidding ofc i'll read it!!!!! i'm excited!! you know i can wait for a lifetime (FHDHDKSO YES) for your works!! take your time, enjoy the process, eat the rich!! giving you good luck through a forehead kiss<з 'A THOUSAND CHICKS' srry i had 2 options in mind and forgot to edit it. 'dude cant understand english' maybe you need to repeat it in high valyrian hsksha no but i think he wouldn't be bothered by a scandal? more like his brother being upset? but i see viserys and reader being these 2 elder siblings or the mom friends that are 'oh this prick made it again' 'yea he did' 'great' 'go calm him down' 'why me?' 'you're his wife' a VERY heavy sigh 'I WANT TO MAKE IT ANGSTY SO BAD' girl you're kidding.... no but i just recalled what i've been thinking of. NO. a better thought. daemon takes reader to the Red Keep again, not for the first time. they're in the hall (idk it's name but where the feast was). reader's going through the doors and it hits daemon so much. like he has a big flashback from the day they were betrothed/get married and he instantly gets on one knee saying 'marry me, for real'. probably viserys and aemma, maybe someone else who was in the room are stunned. including reader who doesn't understand what's going on. maybe she's already told him about this magic thing, maybe he's had some memories recalled due but yes. just a thought that popped out in my head. for some reason i also think he'd be offended if reader called him anything else but 'husband' in high valyrian. also about that thought with aemond collecting historical myths and rumors, little number of facts. i see him observing the relationship between his professor and daemon closely, although he's hurt to see it. he just look at them trying to assure himself 'no way these are truth' but also somewhat liking feeling this way? not exactly in a masochistic way but he likes babying his pain? hard to explain. just the need to express his feelings in a harmless way and to pity himself. whale aegon just walks away in such a situation. bc "do you love me?" issues. i have a feeling that you'd disagree on this. it's ok. it's just a lot of thoughts that just exist in my head. while i have these, i also can imagine aemond freaking out and going feral when daemon visits the museum for the 10th time a week. thanks for reading this!! love you!! wait for anything you have for us!! take care <з

MING MING

LOOK AT THIS AETHLETIC KITTY!!!!

meow meow, good evening or morning. it must be 22:12 in your timezone though.

idk i went to sleep before 10 so lol HAHAAHAH

'cos i didnt watch it' no way you haven't watched hotd sis....

GIRL I MEANT GAME OF THRONES 😡😡😡😡

'i tried watching doctor who with my mom' omg i see i see. i tried to watch it YEARS ago when my english was even worse than now and it was quiet an expirience...

HAHAHHHHAHAHHAAH subtitles man, we both need subtitles, God bless subtitles

'so i just didnt watch it' so you know what you need to do yeah ;;)

i- what? HAHAHA ??? ?? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ?

'are you faulting him for that ?' nooooo?? why'd you think that of me TT i was merely pointing the detail that broke my heart TT where is an accusation?? where do you see it?? if i mock a person, i say it straightforward.

'😡😡😡👿👿👿🤬🤬🤬👹👹👹👺👺👺 here you go' thanks. that's me when you say i'm faulting this pretty boy with glossy eyes.

HAHHAHAAHHAHAH

'im shocked you send me a lot of asks' does it bother you?

no 🤨🤬 are we gonna go through this again? you're not a bother

'praying for myslef' praying for you, catmom

'i meant im good at math (cos i am) but as a bad person at math ??' *suspicious emojis pls ty*

HAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA OK 🤨🤨🤨🤨🤨😕😕😕😕🧐🧐🧐🧐🙄🙄🙄🙄😪😪😪🤥🤥🤥🤥 HAAHAHAH idk if the others as sus but i added them anyway AHHHAHAHAHA

understand. my math teacher sent me to take a part in a math competition and i was like ??? girl i'm a linguist ?? tha fact this word have 1 similar letter with 'math' doesn't mean anything ?? so yeah. relate.

💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHH IT HAS 1 SIMILAR LETTER WITH MATHH AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH DYING. that just means ur teacher knows ur smart <3

'i have starrted writing the witch prompt' OMGOMG are you kidding ofc i'll read it!!!!! i'm excited!!

you know i can wait for a lifetime (FHDHDKSO YES) for your works!! take your time, enjoy the process, eat the rich!! giving you good luck through a forehead kiss<з

T_T 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 for a second there i thought you were talkin about the modern!daemon au (cos wait for a lifetime AHAHHAHA) and i was about to say im excited to write that too but i have not started. but i am so honored you would say this T_T thank you lovie <3 <3 <3 AND EAT THE RICH???? HAHAHHAHAH SO TRUE BUT SO OFF TANGENT????? HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

'A THOUSAND CHICKS' srry i had 2 options in mind and forgot to edit it.

HAHHAHA NO it was just so funny HAHHHAH

'dude cant understand english' maybe you need to repeat it in high valyrian hsksha no but i think he wouldn't be bothered by a scandal? more like his brother being upset?

so true so real dude could literally not give less of a shit. there could be an untrue viscous rumour about him going around and he's make it real for shits and giggles T_T a menace T_T no wonder why his brother's hair whiteHAHHHAH

but i see viserys and reader being these 2 elder siblings or the mom friends that are 'oh this prick made it again' 'yea he did' 'great' 'go calm him down' 'why me?' 'you're his wife' a VERY heavy sigh

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 NAUR THATS

'I WANT TO MAKE IT ANGSTY SO BAD' girl you're kidding....

no i want to kill them HAHAHH 😈😈😈😈 either literally of emotionally im not sure yet

no but i just recalled what i've been thinking of. NO. a better thought. daemon takes reader to the Red Keep again, not for the first time. they're in the hall (idk it's name but where the feast was). reader's going through the doors and it hits daemon so much.

BAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBEEEEE YOU JUST LIKE ME FOR REAL IM KIND OF ANNOYED THAT YOU THINK JUST LIKE ME BECAUSE I WAS PLANNING TO DO SMTH LIKE THIS AND IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A SURPRISE BUT YOU THOUGHT OF IT yeah i could just pretend that you didnt just say almost the exact idea in my head BUT COME ON THATS CRAZY OUR BRAINS SO IN SYNC!!!?!?!??!!?

like he has a big flashback from the day they were betrothed/get married and he instantly gets on one knee saying 'marry me, for real'.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 he's such a simp for that and i love it T_T i love it so much

probably viserys and aemma, maybe someone else who was in the room are stunned. including reader who doesn't understand what's going on. maybe she's already told him about this magic thing, maybe he's had some memories recalled due but yes. just a thought that popped out in my head.

T_T NAUR THIS IS SO JUICY I LOVE IT THE DRAMA THE EVERYTHING DO YOU WANT A SPOILER the more people in daemon's life become ok with him and yn, the more people in yn's life become less ok (as in im going to add a past lover A PAST LOVER WINK WINK HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHHAHAAHAHHAAHHA) shhhhh i will not clarify i didnt say that

for some reason i also think he'd be offended if reader called him anything else but 'husband' in high valyrian.

[scoffs] simp

also about that thought with aemond collecting historical myths and rumors, little number of facts. i see him observing the relationship between his professor and daemon closely, although he's hurt to see it. he just look at them trying to assure himself 'no way these are truth' but also somewhat liking feeling this way? not exactly in a masochistic way but he likes babying his pain? hard to explain. just the need to express his feelings in a harmless way and to pity himself.

no i agree aemond would 100% do his darndness to make sense of it all. i have to say i disagree with this one a bit (and not at all aegons) i think aemond may want to feel the pain as a reminder of the fact he is not yn's beloved, i dont think he likes it T_T he may want to keep feeling it as a reminder but at his core he's just sad T_T

whale aegon just walks away in such a situation. bc "do you love me?" issues. i have a feeling that you'd disagree on this. it's ok. it's just a lot of thoughts that just exist in my head.

T_T AWWWW WAIT UR SO RIGHT T_T THATS SO SAD AEGON AEGON PLS LOOK AT ME I LOVE YOU

while i have these, i also can imagine aemond freaking out and going feral when daemon visits the museum for the 10th time a week.

aemond be like "why are you in my house T_T' daemon be like '??? this is an office? in a museum ?? funded by the government ??? which basically means me ??'

thanks for reading this!! love you!! wait for anything you have for us!! take care <з

im luv u thank you for sending me the messages to begin with <3 <3

xxx

[floatingonalowvibe]

chapter six, part one

After reading that letter, I had just a moment to think.

I didn’t think of anything in general, but just a moment to sit.

The joint had burnt out a long while ago, but the high was still strong enough for me to feel floaty and light.

I knew Dad was coming to visit the family in a few weeks, so that would be the time I would leave.

Ever since I first visited the North Pole that one faithful night, it seemed so alluring to me, like it wanted me to stay. It was so comforting, the small snow flurries, the faint smell of something I can only describe as a Christmas smell. And the friendlier than ever elves, how they would let me watch their work, and how even sometimes they would let me help. I still know how to make a few trinkets that they taught me how to make. I will never forget the wonderful feeling of the North Pole. The feeling of belonging was always there. The human world could never compare.

I could never forget Bernard, how whenever I think of him, the smell of peppermint and cinnamon finds a way to waft into my nose and calm my mind. His tall stance of confidence, how he would loom over me when I was around him. His tight curls, lopsided hat. I couldn’t get him out of my mind.

I could imagine his voice, how smooth it was.

God, I can't get enough of him.

He's just so.....i don’t even know how to describe it.

His pointed ears, always rosey face with a slight sparkle to it.

I knew it was the drugs talking, but he was beautiful.

~one week later~

this weekend dad was coming over. I have been waiting for what feels like forever.

Charlie helped me pack up a good amount of the items I owned. in total, I had one large suitcase and two bookbags filled. I didnt own much, but a cherish what I have.

everyone was downstairs, Charlie and I were sitting in the living room, him being busy trying to figure out how to fix a CD player he got about a month ago. I on the other hand, was going through old cassettes I had, figuring out which ones I could erase and re-tape for different songs. Neil and mom were both in the kitchen, talking about some boring adult stuff. I know I'm basically an adult, but it doesn't seem right to me. being an adult sounds scary to me.

everything was silent, except the crackling fireplace charlie and I started about an hour ago.

the silence was broken by a rythmic knocking on the front door. Charlie and I immediately bolted for out seats in the living room to the door.

we were greated by none other than dad, who sported a nice red sweater this evening. he looked jolly as ever, with his rosy cheeks, big round belly, and white hair with a matching beard.

"Hiya guys!" he said, opening his arms to give us two a hug. we both have him a big bear hug, which he returned with an even bigger bear hug.

we all had huge smiles on our faces as we walked into the house, Charlie going on a rant to dad about all the interesting things that have happened since he has been gone. I just watched him.

~pretend I wrote a whole dinner scene~

I was back to my place in the living room, stuffed from the dinner.dad and Charlie were sitting next to me, dad helping Charlie figure out his CD player.

I glanced over to the clock that sat above the fireplace, it read 8:30, right on the dot.

I made an agreement with mom that I could leave at 9:00, so I have been anxiously waiting for that time to roll around. And now it was almost time.

I got up from my spot, causing dad to ask here I was going. I replied, telling him I was grabbing my stuff, getting ready to leave.

I made my way up the stairs, walking into my room.I grabbed my bags, looking around at my room. I wasn't going to miss anything.

~timeskip, theyre about to leave~

hugs and kisses were being tossed around as we were standing outside by dad's sleigh. Mom had me in bone crushing hug, not wanting to let go of her son who she loved dearly. I awkwardly hugged her back, reassuring her that I would be back before she knew it. I was only staying there for a few months to see how I liked it there.

Niel was right behind her, giving me a big hug. he was telling me how much he was going to miss me, how well I'm going to do, and reassuring with me that I got everything I needed.

last but certainly not least, was Charlie. he was almost in tears as he hugged me. I hugged him tight, talking him that I would write letters. His hug lasted longer than any of the other hugs.

after yet another round of hugs, kisses, and goodbyes, dad and I were off.

the feeling of the crisp air flying through my hair was amazing. I couldn't wait to get to the north pole.

part 2 should be posted later today.

any type of interaction with this story is greatly appreciated.

go drink some water.

[rosebud2829]

Vent post 10/24/24

"Youre always brushing me off and thats gonna change" UH THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN??

So context: I had just gotten out of 7-11 with my dad. Hadnt talked to my mom all day. Was holding a stick im turning into a staff, swimbag, backpack, drink, and 7-11 bag. She was already pissed and i tried asking what was wrong and she wouldnt tell me. She asked me if i wrote something down that she wanted me to write down yesterday and i said no and she asked why i didnt and i just told her i didnt do it because when i got out of the shower i was tired (note i got hurt yesterday and it was just a really crappy day in general and she knows it) and she goes "im tired of you blowing me off. Things are gonna change,soon." And i tried to ignore it because we were on our way to check up on a friend of mine and i was gonna give him a letter goodbye because he wasnt gonna go to my school anymore.

After i get back in the car (he wasnt home so we left the letter there) And before my dad gets in the car she says "I hope you know this is where he lives. I hope you know what youre doing. This can go wrong." And i just had to tell her that i know this is where he lives. We drove around the block and my dad saw his dad get out so he went to try and talk to him. As soon as he gets out of the car she starts saying shit like "this is stalkerish. You guys are just so different. Better be worth it. Hurry up this is weird."

I was fucking panicked for a week and a half that he was gone. I cried. I was anxious. I heard his voice multiple times. All i wanted was to see him or know he was okay. She couldnt even support me in that. It took everything in my power to not start fucking bawling on the ride home and i even heard her mutter when we got back "this was a waste of time".

Im so fucking done i cant anymore. She wonders why i dont talk to her anymore THIS IS WHY. She has to say hurtful shit when im at my most sensitive and even typing this it makes me wanna cry.